MarcyO

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MarcyO last won the day on April 14 2015

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About MarcyO

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    CowardlyLion
  • Birthday May 13

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    http://marcycasterline.blogspot.com/

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  • Gender
    Female
  • Location
    Bellingham, Washington
  • Interests
    Reading, theater, movies,Painting, Greek Mythology, Fairy Tales,Ballet, and my twenty-something son who keeps me laughing.

Display Name History

  1. Haven't posted in awhile because I've been working on this new book. Not the happiest of stories, but one that contributes my insights into why my seemingly loyal and loving husband became a sometimes cheating spouse. The whole story in a short ebook is available on Amazon Kindle. Click on book cover to go to Amazon page. Actor Tom O'Rourke, my husband of thirty five years, who I loved and adored, confessed from the afterlife that he had cheated throughout our marriage. Devastated, I had to look back at our life to understand who he really was, whether he'd ever loved me and why he had to come clean about his infidelity, even after his death. Tom was an actor you've seen many times TV in "X-Files", "Law and Order", and who played Justin on the "Guiding Light". I was a model with Eileen Ford. We were baby boomers. This is our story. As I gazed out my kitchen window, a large black pickup truck rolled slowly and ominously up beside my home and stopped. Its presence was chilling and solemn, and I knew it was death. Recounting the strange dream to my husband of thirty three years the next morning, little did I suspect that I had seen the legendary death coach of Irish folklore, the Coiste Bower, which signifies the inevitability of death. "Once it comes to earth, it can never return empty, because some greater power has decreed a person's death and mortals may do nothing to prevent it." (Wikipedia) A little over a year later, my husband had passed away, and all our dreams for this world were ended, or so I thought. Blame my Irish grandmother for this dubious gift of second sight, something I'd always considered merely an ignorant superstition. But that was before I learned how permeable the veil between life and death is and how closely bound and intimately cherished our earthly loves and endeavors are by our creator. It has been six years since I lost Tom, and I now live in the Pacific Northwest, a place that I believe God must have created last, saving all that was most beautiful and benevolent for his final triumph. But to love it as I do, you must be a person who thrives on rainy days, dark winter afternoons, trailing mists, and skies of smudged gray clouds. It is hauntingly lovely, bounded by the pale silky waters of Puget Sound, wondrous islands on the horizon that tantalize the imagination, and always the mist drifting thoughtfully over the rocky shores and catching ghosts in the evergreen spires, rendering everything insubstantial and timeless, as if you are in a dream and can't wake up. It's a naturally mystic landscape, conducive to reverie and a very forgiving place for the broken hearted. Tom was the love of my life. We were an unlikely couple: I, a graduate in Environmental Science from Barnard, a model with Eileen Ford, and a Bob Dylan fan; he a former paratrooper and graduate of Goodman Theater School in Chicago, now a New York City actor and an Elvis fan. We'd met due to our shared pursuit of theater, acting and the arts as a profession. Both of us had been born into the inhospitable world of dysfunctional families, where your parents often were your worst enemy. We each had one parent who could emit love as from a distant planet, an intermittent signal, often garbled and fuzzy, but nevertheless sometimes it offered solace that we were not entirely alone in the universe. Tom's mother, much abused and beaten, still could feel something for her first son. My father, devoted to his narcissistic, sly and manipulative wife, was still proud of his daughter's good sense. When I said goodbye to Tom, I buried the only true friend I'd ever had. We had both been each other's Hail Mary Pass, our last hope to find a kindred spirit in this world, someone who understood what a desperate struggle life could be, even for a child; someone who understood how deep the need for love could be, and how very lonely life could be. But when he was gone, at least I had his memory and the consolation that I had been loved. Whatever else had gone wrong, I had been loved. Then the deeper vision that is second sight visited me again in a dream. This time, after so many previous experiences with psychic seeing, I knew what I saw was manifestly true. It was a very real dream, too real. I woke up constantly in the early morning hours, revisiting the dream, falling back to sleep and weeping throughout the dreams, woke up and wept and wept more. In the dream, I was watching Tom as his younger self, and he was chasing after other women, in a way I recognize instinctively as sexual heat. He glances back at me with a cold face, walking away from me after them. Ignoring me. It was impossible to believe. Even in the dream, I couldn't quite believe he was doing that, ignoring me, going off deliberately with other women, almost as if to show contempt for me. I called out to him to come tell me if it is true that he has been unfaithful to me. There was a white haired man sitting nearby, head down, with shoulders slumped, facing the other way. I waited until he left to ask Tom. Tom just stared at me coldly. I woke up again and again, crying, sobbing, exhausted. It felt almost as if I had been prepared by the creator all my life to believe in psychic experiences, so that by the time this devastating dream arrived, I would know it was the truth. And now I was left all alone to face this hurtful confession. Could it really mean what it seemed to showing me? There was no one I could tell. People abruptly change the subject when you mention any kind of psychic insights. They either think you're just getting too full of yourself by claiming you have special powers, or you have lost your mind, or the devil is after you. And no one who knew us as a couple would believe this without more evidence than a dream. Even I would like to have more evidence, but that seems unlikely since the dream refers to a younger Tom of many years ago. These psychic experiences have been weird and unsettling right from the start, to the point where I now find them scary. But rejecting them doesn't seem to be a choice that I've been given. They have come to seem like part of my destiny which I must accept. So here I am with the tormenting knowledge that the one person I loved and trusted in the world has shown me he betrayed me. Exploring the possibility that this dream is sent by dark forces, I suddenly recall the old man in the dream and reexamine him. Yes, I see the slumped shoulders, the bowed head, and the white hair scraggly on the back of his neck, which I know so well. The old man is old Tom, bowed down with sadness at what he did. So, it's clear that Tom feels remorse and is involved in sending me this knowledge for some reason. It's all so puzzling and so terribly upsetting. I hadn't had even the slightest suspicion of any kind of infidelity when he was alive. Was my whole thirty years of married life a sham? An empty drama where I wrote one script, and Tom wrote another? I felt as if I didn't even know who I was any longer. Could it be that the man who told me daily that he loved me was lying every day? I had to first understand how and when he could have cheated and with who and why. Searching my memory of our married life, I began to ferret out gaps and inconsistencies which had always puzzled me. There were several women who had been involved in these incidents that I put on a list of suspicious parties, and a vague pattern began to emerge. Unable to bear not knowing the whole truth, I consulted famed psychic Pam Coronado from "Sensing Murder" for a reading. She immediately described a woman and got one of the names on my guilty list. Suddenly, things started to make sense. Then we looked deeper at Tom's motivation, and what she told me she saw changed my whole perception of my married life and who my husband really was. Lastly, Pam and I tried to figure out why he had come back to own up to his misdeeds, she couldn't get an answer. But, given the woman and motives for deception, I have my speculations about what he needed to accomplish. http://fiftyshadesofgrayhair.blogspot.com
  2. In the next few months, there is so much to be done. I'm sure I dream all the time, just like everyone else, and most of those dreams are ephemeral and forgettable. Tom appears in my dreams only rarely, but when he does, I pay attention, because… well, because it's him. I promise not to bore you with lots of long, convoluted dreams. There will be just enough details so that you get the idea of what was coming through to my unconscious and how it manifested itself in my real life. Tom and I were married for thirty-six years. Without him at my side, being parted from him forever in this life is so painful, I can hardly bear it. I'm missing him so terribly, that I don't know if I want to go on living without him. How can we not be together? It's not just that I am physically missing him, although I am very much missing everything about him, his voice, his smile, the twinkle in his eye, his way of looking at the world, his humor and more than anything, the sound of his laughter, the sweetest sound in the world, and that, too, is silenced forever. But I am missing something much more fundamental, a vital part of my life has been torn away. Then, in the first months, when I am almost insensible with grief, I have a lucid dream, as some call them.... The rest of the post at http://marcycasterline.blogspot.com
  3. You really know 'Mrs Muir' movie history if you know it was filmed in Palos Verdes. I've never read that C.S.Lewis quote. Thanks for passing that along. Taken me all these years to begin to understand what he says so eloquently. Happy Easter!
  4. You, too? The music! The end, lost in the fog, the gales ripping the sea white... You are a crazy romantic, too!! Thanks so much for reading and commenting. Deciding to share all this has really made me take it more seriously. I often don't know what I think or really feel until I sit down and try to write it out. I learn by writing.
  5. During Tom's illness, I have sat alone so many times in the cold, impersonal, cancer hospital cafeteria surrounded by many others whose loved ones are also fighting for their lives. I have heard the phrase 'dark night of the soul' somewhere, and I know that that is where I am, lost in the dark. Absolutely nothing has worked out. And Tom is dying. More... http://marcycasterline.blogspot.com
  6. Thank you Laura. So glad you're enjoying the series. You Jane Austen writers have inspired me so much. Plus, your wonderful books to remind me how much I enjoy reading good romance novels.
  7. 'Disney’s new Cinderella, a live-action adaptation of Disney’s 1950 classic animated film—itself an adaptation of the perennial European folk tale—will pleasantly surprise moviegoers who might be wary of Disney remakes after the “reimagined” train wreck that was last year’s Maleficent. [see CWR's review, "Recovering An Enchanted World" by Anne Hendershott] But fear not, for the extremely talented and eminently Shakespearean Kenneth Branagh is at the helm. As a result, Cinderella soars where Maleficent had its fairy wings clipped. .... http://www.catholicworldreport.com/Blog/3769/surprised_by_cinderella.aspx You'll be sorry if you miss this magical movie on the big screen. It's really worth it. And I don't have money invested in Disney. Just love good movies.
  8. Watched the old Charlton Heston Ben Hur today. It's one of my Easter classics. My class went to see it when it first came out. That's how old I am. One of my all time favorite movies. Learned so much history from it, too. Contrast of Roman power and Christian forgiveness, vividly portrayed.
  9. Eddie Lomax got made into 'Desert Heat'. But, try as we might to get someone interested in Tom's other scripts, we get nowhere. Still, the movie had provided us with a small nest egg of security to fall back on. We have survived the teen years and several years of community college with the progeny. Tom is still doing a show or two a year for 'Law and Order: SVU'. The executive consulting firm I work for is a casualty of the recession, so I am between jobs. I am discovering the internet and decide to put Tom up on Youtube. He's such a natural raconteur that he is sure to be a star. Now, if only I could figure out this fire wire deal and the microphone thingy. ..... More at http://marcycasterline.blogspot.com/
  10. Here is a very interesting review of the new 'Cinderella' movie by a priest. His thoughts reminded me of the Medieval Unicorn tapestries. Love this movie for so many reasons. But his take on the allegory of Christ's sacred marriage to his people. Thought all my fellow romantics might enjoy reading this: "A Very Christian Cinderella The director manages to tells the familiar fairy tale without irony, hyper-feminist sub-plots, Marxist insinuations, deconstructionist cynicism, or arch condescension. In so doing, he actually allows the spiritual -- indeed specifically Christian -- character of the tale to emerge. I realize that it probably strikes a contemporary audience as odd that Cinderella might be a Christian allegory, but keep in mind that most of the fairy stories and children's tales compiled by the Brothers Grimm and later adapted by Walt Disney found their roots in the decidedly Christian culture of late medieval and early modern Europe..... More at this link http://www.realclearreligion.org/articles/2015/03/20/a_very_christian_emcinderellaem-comments.html
  11. Saw Cinderella today and was simply blown away. It's beautifully done in every way. Great casting of all the parts. Never treacly over sweet, never too much with the special effects, the story is beautifully and simply told, and they hit all the important elements of the story with just the right touch. It's one of the best movies I've seen in years. They bring new and more profound meaning to the story, without tampering with the well known and beloved essence. I am just amazed at how good it was. I expected to like it, but thought it would be just okay. It is far far better than I ever expected. Also, take a look at the decor of the house where they filmed it. It's very understated, but very unique. I'm not kidding. Don't miss this feast for the romantic heart. I was totally verklempt.
  12. Three years later, we're still in the two family house in New Jersey, and nothing has gone as planned. Tom spent a year learning how to direct a soap, doing a few shows, and getting his union card, and then the producer who promised to hire him got fired. But the soaps are in as bad a shape financially as the rest of the entertainment industry. When Tom starred on 'The Guiding Light' in the eighties, the heyday of the soap opera, their viewership reached a high of thirty million. Night time TV did even better. But now, in the nineties, the ratings for all the soaps are in the low single digits. A few nighttime shows get ratings in the teens, but that's rare. More.... http://marcycasterline.blogspot.com
  13. Here's another chapter in my Psychic Coffee story: It's seven years later. We've done the Hollywood thing. Tons of episodic roles, that, in those days, rerun only once in the summer, and that's it. Tom has co starred in a series with Sandra Bullock. She's gone on and done a few things, (her big break came later.) We have bupkis. And a kid. In those days, you couldn't make a living doing episodic. http://marcycasterline.blogspot.com/
  14. Watched this lovely romantic melodrama movie in black and white from 1934 about a girl growing up in the turn of century Indiana by the Limberlost swamp, where she makes money for school by collecting and selling rare moths. "Gene Stratton-Porter was an American author, amateur naturalist, wildlife photographer, and one of the earliest women to form a movie studio and production company." The book is also delightful, and with lots of very interesting details about the natural history of Indiana. The movie was remade in 1990, but I haven't seen that version.